Every girl’s first superhero is her dad.
Trust me: I’m a recovering Daddy’s Girl. Every little girl thinks that her daddy can do anything. He can throw her up in the air and make her feel like she can fly; he knows the best magic tricks and can make anything disappear; he can give her the best, biggest hugs that make her feel like everything is right in the world.
I want my girls to have this. I want my girls to think that their daddy is the most amazing man in the whole entire world for as long as they can. I know that one day they will realize that their parents are humans: flawed and imperfect like everyone else. But I will never, ever do anything to cause these girls to have that realization before they need to. I will never tell them anything negative about you. Regardless of how things are between us, you are their daddy and I want them to believe that you are an amazing one.
Before we split up, I saw how excited they would get when you come home from work. They would run (or scoot) to the door yelling for you. Their faces would erupt into smiles that literally stretched across their entire faces. Whatever bad things happened in their day didn’t matter in that moment: their favourite superhero was home.
I know that things between us are not good. I know that it must hurt to have them cry and run away when you come to get them. I know that when they tell you they’d rather stay with me it must cut like a knife.
I would like to believe that at some point we can be, if not friends, friendly. I hope that we can co-parent to the very best of our ability and give these girls everything they need. I hope that we can one day do things as a family. But honestly, I don’t know the future. I don’t know what we will be like in six months, in a year, in five years. I don’t know.
But what I do know…is how they would light up when you got home. How they would ask about you during the day. How they yell, “HI DADDY!” if we happen to drive past your work. It doesn’t always seem like it, but these girls love you with everything they have.
I promise you that I will do everything I can to preserve that love, to nourish it, to expand upon it. I will speak about you in only positive ways. When you are not around, I will tell them how much you love them. I will give them hugs, and kisses, and snuggles from daddy. They will never, ever doubt your love for them.
As they grow older and start to ask questions, I will not answer maliciously. I will answer with honesty and respect. I will answer so that they know that we did love each other, so very much. And that out of that love came two amazing little girls. No matter where our lives take us, we are still a family. Nothing can ever, or will ever change that.
I know that I hurt you. Please know that it hurt me too, to leave behind our life and everything that I’d envisioned for our future. Know that I did what was best for both of us. Maybe you can’t see that yet, but hopefully one day you will. Know that none of this has been easy for me. But most of all, know that I will honour and cherish your relationship with these girls. Because at the end of the day, these wondrous creatures are the only thing that matters.