I’m not buying into this “new year, new me” thing.
It’s a lovely concept, but I’m the same person I was last week. I’m not going to list a bunch of goals for myself; I’m not going to blather on about how I’m going to change myself for the better this year. I won’t whine and complain about how poorly 2017 treated me. The date on the calendar doesn’t mean a thing: you are still you and whatever happens to you happens. That’s life, my friends.
That being said, I haven’t written in a little bit. I didn’t write over Christmas because I was busy with my family. I didn’t write anything around New Year’s because I didn’t want to add to the chaos of “new beginnings” posts.
So instead I will write about what I love in my life right now.
I have two amazing daughters. They are strong and fierce. At times they can be too strong and too fierce, but these will be wonderful qualities in the women they will become. They make me smile and laugh every day, and I am in awe of how smart and confident they are. They are enormous spirits in tiny bodies and they make me want to be a better person so that I can be the best possible example for them.
I love my house. I rent: it is small and expensive. I have a downstairs neighbour that I can hear at all hours of the night. I can hear him sneeze and cough. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I can hear him snoring from the floor beneath me. But I find all of this comforting. My small house is just the right size for my girls and me; and I am never truly alone listening to the murmur of the television below.
I have a great job. I’m still new and I’m still learning. But so far I am really enjoying it. I like the people with whom I work, and I like the work that we do. I look forward to going to work in the mornings, which I know is not how many people feel about their jobs. Sometimes (often) I wonder how I got this job, as I’m not overly qualified for it, but I am so immensely grateful that I was given this opportunity.
I am surrounded by some of the best humans around. My friends have been lifesavers this past year. My kitchen is completely stocked with dishes, cookware, utensils, etc., because I have friends who just dropped stuff at my house. I have friends who went through their kitchens, their basements, and their attics just to find me things they felt I could use in my new life. I get texts and phone calls from people checking up on me. I come home to packages on my porch. I have invitations to dinners and I get knocks on my door just because. I am loved and I am made to feel that way.
I don’t need to be a new me this year. I am building the best possible version of myself. There is a Matthew Good song called “Symbolistic White Walls” and there is a line that I have been repeating to myself lately. “I’m wearing the same grin/I take it all on the chin.” I feel like this is the best possible motto for my life right now. It has nothing to do with buying a new calendar or remembering to write a new date (which usually takes me until June to perfect). It has everything to do with this continuing journey of self discovery on which I find myself. It is never too late to become who you were meant to be. And I’m working on it.